:) Ok, so I did it. I broke up with him.
I found out on Sat that for the last 2 weeks, he's been in town. And still hasnt called me. Grrr.
So I had enough today. I called him, and of course he didnt answer. Ass. So I left a message xplaining how I felt (the short version) and said it was over.
End of story.
So now Italy and I are free to carry on a torrid affair.
LOL
Just kidding.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Yay!
I am
going to the Big Island in 8 days.
going to Colorado in about 3 months.
going to Italy in 5 months!
I need to keep exercising, dieting and saving money!
:) Woo hoo!
On Monday Ill post how much weight Ive lost so far...hopefully it'll be a happy post!
going to the Big Island in 8 days.
going to Colorado in about 3 months.
going to Italy in 5 months!
I need to keep exercising, dieting and saving money!
:) Woo hoo!
On Monday Ill post how much weight Ive lost so far...hopefully it'll be a happy post!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
What Ive been thinking about...
Ok, so I thought Id write down what I want in a guy/relationship.
Ive been thinking about what i want lately, and thought id share it with you.
:) Just so you know.
I want him to be kind, patient, and just a bit naughty. I want to snuggle with him one night and just stay in, and the next night go for drinks and see a midnight movie. I want to be spontaneous with him. I want him o want to go out and do fun things. I want him to want to be with me, and to make time in his schedule for me. I want to communicate easily the things we like and don't like. I want to be so mad and fight, but then realize that our happiness means more than a fight. I want to lay on the grass and just stare at the stars with him. I want him to have goals and be working towards them. I want to be the sun in his universe. I want him to inspire me to do better, to be better. I want him to do all those little things girls love, but I also want to feel like I am loved and cherished all the time. I want to go drinking with him, but I also want him to be the man who will get our little daughter ready for sunday school. I want to lose my inhibitions...just live and be free with him. I want to be immensely loved and never betrayed. I want to feel that if I ever lost him my world would never be the same. I want him to look at me and I melt. I want him to be the strong guy that takes out the garbage and deals with my stresses (like the car thing) when he can tell I am just too frustrated. Someone who loves kids and wants kids is very important to me. Also someone who sees where his career is going to be in 5 years and can make that dream happen. I never want to feel like I am not worth his attention or love. I want to be treasured. :)
:)
No less.
Oh, and he's gotta like me plumpy.
Ive been thinking about what i want lately, and thought id share it with you.
:) Just so you know.
I want him to be kind, patient, and just a bit naughty. I want to snuggle with him one night and just stay in, and the next night go for drinks and see a midnight movie. I want to be spontaneous with him. I want him o want to go out and do fun things. I want him to want to be with me, and to make time in his schedule for me. I want to communicate easily the things we like and don't like. I want to be so mad and fight, but then realize that our happiness means more than a fight. I want to lay on the grass and just stare at the stars with him. I want him to have goals and be working towards them. I want to be the sun in his universe. I want him to inspire me to do better, to be better. I want him to do all those little things girls love, but I also want to feel like I am loved and cherished all the time. I want to go drinking with him, but I also want him to be the man who will get our little daughter ready for sunday school. I want to lose my inhibitions...just live and be free with him. I want to be immensely loved and never betrayed. I want to feel that if I ever lost him my world would never be the same. I want him to look at me and I melt. I want him to be the strong guy that takes out the garbage and deals with my stresses (like the car thing) when he can tell I am just too frustrated. Someone who loves kids and wants kids is very important to me. Also someone who sees where his career is going to be in 5 years and can make that dream happen. I never want to feel like I am not worth his attention or love. I want to be treasured. :)
:)
No less.
Oh, and he's gotta like me plumpy.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Blah
So...I still havnt gotten ahold of the BF. Its been 3 weeks since I last saw him. I even have to wait to break up with him! ahhh, the Navy.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
So happy!
My little brother posted this in his blog...for those of you who know what he's going through...this is a biiig deal!
:)
:)
"Sunday, April 19, 2009
 | Current mood:Victorious in His love To those to who I am: a brother, a son, a friend, a nephew, a cousin, a leader, a shoulder to cry on, a loved one, or someone that i barely knew: I am sorry for my failure and my lack of self respect. But i understand now that you rely on me, depend on me, and that I am to rise up an LEAD. No longer will i let my lack of self-motivation and my ineptitude cause me to fail you. Because i have risen from my self defeat, my self wallowing, and am ready once again to do what i must to make sure that i do not fail you again." |
Friday, April 17, 2009
Poor Suzy
They called about my car yesterday, said it was ready. Im not exactly ready to hand over $1000, nor do I think I ever will.. Oh well! :)
But then they called again, and told me that when they were moving Suzy they had a problem with her, she was sticking in park. He asked me if I had had that problem prior to the accident. I told him of my brand new transmission...ie no I havn't had any problems since I got a new transmission 1 year and a half ago. :)
So yeah, they're still working on my car. LOL
And Im not mad about it at all. Shit happens, I'm just glad I have a car to borrow!
But then they called again, and told me that when they were moving Suzy they had a problem with her, she was sticking in park. He asked me if I had had that problem prior to the accident. I told him of my brand new transmission...ie no I havn't had any problems since I got a new transmission 1 year and a half ago. :)
So yeah, they're still working on my car. LOL
And Im not mad about it at all. Shit happens, I'm just glad I have a car to borrow!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
A question...
Knowing I am going to break up with him, is is wrong that I change my relationship status on FB before I do aforementioned activity?
And dont worry about me, I will be miserable for awhile, cause I love him, but he's not The One and doesnt treat me like he should.
Ok, so I thought this was gonna be a short little post, but I feel like explaining.
I may have lied to ya'll. I may have told you Brandon is great to me. The truth is, he's just blah. He's just there. I mean, we have great dates and I enjoy being with him when i see him. But thats only 25% of the relationship. What about when we're apart? Shouldn't we communicate then too?
We went into our relationship saying we just wanted to be together, nothing serious, just us being together. Exclusive, but nothing serious. But I've changed. I fell for him, I love him. And he doesn't love me. he hardly cares for me like a man who is dating the same girl for almost 8 months should. We've never had that fire that should be there. he's never done anything super romantic for me or made me feel special. Ive never felt like he was dieing to see me or that I meant a lot to him. Most importantly, Ive never gotten anything out of him (such as, you look nice tonight, or, I'm having a good time tonight).
I know, I know! Ive put up with crap from him. We had a big discussion about his lack of (we'll call it) communication. He said he'd try. And then we just went on as we had. Him not trying, and me trying to show him how much I care, like gf's do. The biggest disappointment was when i found this shirt at Old Navy. It was white with this anchor on it. Brandon being in the Navy, i thought, how perfect! I bought it and on the bottom of the anchor wrote "I ♥ submariners". I wore it one night and he never said anything, and after I brought up the shirt 3 times, he finally told me it was kinda loud. Kinda loud? here is this sweet gesture, and he says that. Did he even think about my effort or feelings when he said that? I was so upset and felt like an idiot. Its like if I said ILU and him saying something shitty...same thing. Me going the extra mile and him doing nothing because he know I wont leave. I finally gave up and said I didn't want to fight. I really didn't...I finally decided that that battle wasn't something i wanted to pick. I didn't realize then that how he acted was how he felt about our relationship...I could be anyone...he could be with anyone...he's only with me because its comfortable for this moment. And hell, its easy to be with me...I do all the work!!!
I deserve to feel special. I want a man who share my passion and faith, and someone who can tell me how I look to him and how I make him feel and someone who can plan a little bit farther than the week. I really thought Brandon could be that person. I lied to myself thinking he could change once he got to know me more, once he found out who I am and who I could be for him. But he just doesn't care enough to see me for who I am.
I am sweet. I am kind. Im a good cook and will make a great mother. I maybe cry too much and get mad over stupid things, but I've learned to try and get over them without involving the guy if it really isnt their fault. I am crafty. i am goofy and I love the beach. I love country music and cuddling on the couch. Sometimes Im sad or upset or emotional and all I need is a sweet look that says "I'm here for you" and a long hug. I want a guy to really see me for who I am and love that. I will stand up for what I believe in...I am a strong person. Bt if I say I wont fight with you, leave me alone. I love life and I love all those around me. I give love freely, and accept love just as much. I am tenacious and a planner, yet I am struggling to plan my life right now.
All that is just a fragment of who I am right now. I am complex and confusing and ever changing. Is there a man who can love that, all of that?
I know Brandon cant, and that breaks my heart, because I know he just doesn't care.
And dont worry about me, I will be miserable for awhile, cause I love him, but he's not The One and doesnt treat me like he should.
Ok, so I thought this was gonna be a short little post, but I feel like explaining.
I may have lied to ya'll. I may have told you Brandon is great to me. The truth is, he's just blah. He's just there. I mean, we have great dates and I enjoy being with him when i see him. But thats only 25% of the relationship. What about when we're apart? Shouldn't we communicate then too?
We went into our relationship saying we just wanted to be together, nothing serious, just us being together. Exclusive, but nothing serious. But I've changed. I fell for him, I love him. And he doesn't love me. he hardly cares for me like a man who is dating the same girl for almost 8 months should. We've never had that fire that should be there. he's never done anything super romantic for me or made me feel special. Ive never felt like he was dieing to see me or that I meant a lot to him. Most importantly, Ive never gotten anything out of him (such as, you look nice tonight, or, I'm having a good time tonight).
I know, I know! Ive put up with crap from him. We had a big discussion about his lack of (we'll call it) communication. He said he'd try. And then we just went on as we had. Him not trying, and me trying to show him how much I care, like gf's do. The biggest disappointment was when i found this shirt at Old Navy. It was white with this anchor on it. Brandon being in the Navy, i thought, how perfect! I bought it and on the bottom of the anchor wrote "I ♥ submariners". I wore it one night and he never said anything, and after I brought up the shirt 3 times, he finally told me it was kinda loud. Kinda loud? here is this sweet gesture, and he says that. Did he even think about my effort or feelings when he said that? I was so upset and felt like an idiot. Its like if I said ILU and him saying something shitty...same thing. Me going the extra mile and him doing nothing because he know I wont leave. I finally gave up and said I didn't want to fight. I really didn't...I finally decided that that battle wasn't something i wanted to pick. I didn't realize then that how he acted was how he felt about our relationship...I could be anyone...he could be with anyone...he's only with me because its comfortable for this moment. And hell, its easy to be with me...I do all the work!!!
I deserve to feel special. I want a man who share my passion and faith, and someone who can tell me how I look to him and how I make him feel and someone who can plan a little bit farther than the week. I really thought Brandon could be that person. I lied to myself thinking he could change once he got to know me more, once he found out who I am and who I could be for him. But he just doesn't care enough to see me for who I am.
I am sweet. I am kind. Im a good cook and will make a great mother. I maybe cry too much and get mad over stupid things, but I've learned to try and get over them without involving the guy if it really isnt their fault. I am crafty. i am goofy and I love the beach. I love country music and cuddling on the couch. Sometimes Im sad or upset or emotional and all I need is a sweet look that says "I'm here for you" and a long hug. I want a guy to really see me for who I am and love that. I will stand up for what I believe in...I am a strong person. Bt if I say I wont fight with you, leave me alone. I love life and I love all those around me. I give love freely, and accept love just as much. I am tenacious and a planner, yet I am struggling to plan my life right now.
All that is just a fragment of who I am right now. I am complex and confusing and ever changing. Is there a man who can love that, all of that?
I know Brandon cant, and that breaks my heart, because I know he just doesn't care.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
HMMMM
Im not sure why I am up at 1am. But I kinda like the quiet of the night. It relaxes me. I just wish there were more people to talk to now! hehehe
My brother came home from church tonight at 12:30ish and came to say hi to me, asked how my day was. For those of you who know what he's going through, this is a huge improvement. He seemed relaxed (not his usual jumpy/wired self) and interested in talking to me, his sis. I have always cherished our relationship, and I am so glad we're getting closer. I was not glad to hear that one of his friends is coming to stay in our house this summer for a month. A girl. Who will take up my bathroom space. Not cool. Oh well.
Ive been at my new job for 7 weeks now and I just love it. It is so refreshing to have a job that you love, pays you well and you get to travel. I am super excited about the Big Island trip...its only 3 weeks away!
I got into a car crash at the end of March. :( Poor Suzy wasn't totaled, although I sincerely wished she was. Oh well. She is still in the shop waiting for parts to be delivered. I was very fortunate the have my employers loan me a car. I was hoping Brandon would loan me his truck (now that he has 2 vehicles) but the Navy changed their minds and had him go to sea 2 days early. Boo. Oh well. Remind me how much I hate being a military gf if I ever want to date a military guy again, k? (I mean, I love Brandon and all, just hate that the Navy takes him from me)
I cleaned my room this weekend. :) Yup, thats a great accomplishment. And I washed my laundry and put it all away! Heck, I even folded my undies. :) But thats cause I bought like 20 new pairs and threw out all my old ones, even the ones I really loved. (Who can go wrong with cute collegiate-looking chunky blue and green stripes? But they're old...)
Im going to hang out with heather tomorrow. :) We are planning on going to the North Shore, pending weather of course. I am excited to just walk around all the cutsie little shops and try not to spend any money. Well, maybe buy a little gift for my sister's birthday. Even though its in August. Hey, when you find something cute thats perfect...you get it! :)
Im excited to hang out with Heather and her cutie Sarah. That child is hilarious. We were in Starbucks and Sarah saw that an old man had fallen asleep. She (very) loudly pointed him out and when I shushed her, she said, 'What? Old people sleep all the time!" LOL I told Heather that I would pay to see Sarah on a city bus. "Mom, why does that man have no teeth? Mom, why are those men holding hands. Mom, why does that lady smell? Ewww, what is that she is eating?"
LOL :)
My brother came home from church tonight at 12:30ish and came to say hi to me, asked how my day was. For those of you who know what he's going through, this is a huge improvement. He seemed relaxed (not his usual jumpy/wired self) and interested in talking to me, his sis. I have always cherished our relationship, and I am so glad we're getting closer. I was not glad to hear that one of his friends is coming to stay in our house this summer for a month. A girl. Who will take up my bathroom space. Not cool. Oh well.
Ive been at my new job for 7 weeks now and I just love it. It is so refreshing to have a job that you love, pays you well and you get to travel. I am super excited about the Big Island trip...its only 3 weeks away!
I got into a car crash at the end of March. :( Poor Suzy wasn't totaled, although I sincerely wished she was. Oh well. She is still in the shop waiting for parts to be delivered. I was very fortunate the have my employers loan me a car. I was hoping Brandon would loan me his truck (now that he has 2 vehicles) but the Navy changed their minds and had him go to sea 2 days early. Boo. Oh well. Remind me how much I hate being a military gf if I ever want to date a military guy again, k? (I mean, I love Brandon and all, just hate that the Navy takes him from me)
I cleaned my room this weekend. :) Yup, thats a great accomplishment. And I washed my laundry and put it all away! Heck, I even folded my undies. :) But thats cause I bought like 20 new pairs and threw out all my old ones, even the ones I really loved. (Who can go wrong with cute collegiate-looking chunky blue and green stripes? But they're old...)
Im going to hang out with heather tomorrow. :) We are planning on going to the North Shore, pending weather of course. I am excited to just walk around all the cutsie little shops and try not to spend any money. Well, maybe buy a little gift for my sister's birthday. Even though its in August. Hey, when you find something cute thats perfect...you get it! :)
Im excited to hang out with Heather and her cutie Sarah. That child is hilarious. We were in Starbucks and Sarah saw that an old man had fallen asleep. She (very) loudly pointed him out and when I shushed her, she said, 'What? Old people sleep all the time!" LOL I told Heather that I would pay to see Sarah on a city bus. "Mom, why does that man have no teeth? Mom, why are those men holding hands. Mom, why does that lady smell? Ewww, what is that she is eating?"
LOL :)
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